What it means
Paul’s words say, quite literally, that love does not seek its own things. The King James has “seeketh not her own”. Other Bibles say love ‘does not insist on its own way’ (ESV), ‘does not demand its own way’ (NLT) or ‘does not seek its own benefit’ (NASB). The line is about what you reach for. Self-seeking love is really a trade: I will be kind while it pays.
Paul explains the idea earlier in First Corinthians: “No one should seek his own good, but the good of others.” He says it of himself too: “I am not seeking my own good, but the good of many.” This is not a rule against having needs. It is a question of your first reach. Whose good am I looking out for right now?
In an ordinary week the line is tested in small choices. Who picks the restaurant? Does the talk keep drifting back to you? Do you help only when it is easy, and keep a quiet count of favors owed?
How John Chrysostom read it
John Chrysostom, preaching on this chapter, did not tell his hearers to stop caring about their own good. He told them where to find it.
“Seek not therefore your own, that you may find your own. For he that seeks his own, finds not his own.”
John Chrysostom, Homily 33 on First Corinthians
“For your own profit lies in the profit of your neighbor, and his in yours.”
John Chrysostom, Homily 33 on First Corinthians
Chrysostom’s picture is a man whose gold is buried in his neighbor’s house. If he will not go next door and dig, he will never find it. God, he says, arranged things this way on purpose, “in order that we should be mutually bound together”. He compares it to waking a sleepy child by putting the thing the child wants in his brother’s hand, so that the little one runs after his brother.
The self-seeker, then, is not only unkind. He is poorer, because his own good lies in the one place he will not look. And love that forgets itself does not lose itself. Chrysostom calls friendship the place where two people “should no longer be two persons divided, but in a manner one single person”.
What it looks like
- You let your friend choose where to eat, and you enjoy it instead of mentioning where you’d rather be.
- A coworker gets the project you wanted, and you still send over the notes that will help them do it well.
- You call your sister to ask how the interview went, and hang up without once talking about your own week.
- You spend your one free evening with a friend who needs to talk, even though you had plans of your own.
What missing it looks like
- “Happy to help, as long as it’s on my way.”
- “I’m not selfish. I just know what I want, and everyone’s welcome to come along.”
- “I did them a favor last time. It’s their turn.”
- “What’s in it for me if I go?”
Learn from Barnabas
The man who kept making room for others.
When everyone was afraid of Saul, the man who had hunted the church, “Barnabas brought him to the apostles.” Acts 9:27
Put your weight behind someone who needs it, and be glad when they go further than you.
Read about BarnabasOne step to try
Next time someone needs a hand, help when it suits them, not only when it’s on your way.
“For nothing can so make a man an imitator of Christ as caring for his neighbors.” John Chrysostom
Questions and answers
What does ‘love is not self-seeking’ mean?
It means love looks out for the other person’s good before its own advantage. Paul’s words say love does not seek its own things, and the King James has “seeketh not her own”. It is not a ban on having needs. It is about what you reach for first: getting your way, or doing them good. The same letter puts it plainly: “No one should seek his own good, but the good of others.”
Does ‘love does not seek its own’ mean I can never think of myself?
No. Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself”, which takes for granted that you care for yourself. John Chrysostom, preaching on this line, even agreed that people seek their own, and then added a twist: “I add, that by the good of another one’s own is won.” Rest, needs and limits are not selfishness. Selfishness is making your own good the only thing you look for.
Why does the King James say ‘seeketh not her own’?
The King James Version calls love “charity”, an old word for love from the Latin caritas, and speaks of it as “her”. So “seeketh not her own” simply means love does not seek its own. Modern Bibles say “its”. The phrase means love does not chase its own interests or insist on its own way.
